It’s that time of the year where I finally stop procrastinating and start writing my annual blog post. Now, I know I’m a few days late in the game since you’ve probably already seen everyone’s New Year’s resolutions/social posts…BUT WHAT CAN I DO. I spent New Year’s Eve eating takeout sushi (because we didn’t realize the meal we wanted to cook had a “marinate the meat for a day” step in the recipe), playing Exploding Kittens, and then raving by myself to a free Kpop concert on Youtube at 2:30AM. How did I get myself to the point of dancing by myself? Well being the terrible planner that I am, I decided to pop that ice cuvée at 11:30PM so I only felt that drunk fun feeling at 2AM.

Evidently that lead to a small hangover on the first day of 2021, so I had no energy to post anything. Then on the 2nd of January, I decided to tidy up my life, think a bit, and reflect on the last year with YearCompass – a free booklet that helps you self-reflect on your past year and get ready for the next.

And now on January 3rd, 2020 – I’m finally sitting down with my laptop, writing this post.

Looking Back

2020 was a difficult year for many of us. So I’m very grateful that my family and friends are safe and healthy. After completing my YearCompass I realized that despite thinking all I’ve done this year is slowly lose my sanity in a glass box, I’ve actually done some things. So here’s a peek into my past year.

• After years of people suggesting I try stand up and years of me telling myself I would try, I finally signed up for a stand up class at Second City and performed my first set. Maybe it’s cause I was a fairly academic child, but I needed this class to help me start writing. Getting homework as an adult is thrilling, because it gives you something to do during the week instead of just scrolling TikTok and wondering how old everyone on the app is.
• I finally graduated from my advertising program and entered the advertising industry. It was only 2 years/4 blog posts ago that I wrote about quitting auditing so that I could become a creative in advertising and now here I am. It’s been a journey but I’m happy with here I’m at. Disclaimer: I’m still not fully recovered from my quarter life crisis but like when am I ever fully ok. (IZ OK TO NOT BE OK)
• Being an extrovert, at times I’ve felt quite isolated and lonely during the lockdown. Having moved to Toronto 2 years ago and being in school for most of it, I never really had time to explore Toronto or make friends here. Don’t get me wrong I have great friends here, but I still relied heavily on my friends in Montreal because we were able to visit each other so often. So, not being able to see them has definitely made me feel lonely at times. But, I’m happy that with social media and technology, I’ve been able to stay connected. I’ve also taken a few walks with some pals to get some socialization in and some fresh air, not exactly the ratchet type of behaviour I enjoy but maybe this is a sign that wittle Shirley is growing up.

Overall, I kinda felt like I was in limbo last year. I spent it putting off things I wanted to do because of the uncertainty of the world. But, I’ve learned to go easy on myself (maybe a bit tooooooo easy – like binging kdramas one after the other cause I have zero self control). It hasn’t been the easiest time, but I’m very fortunate to be safe and healthy. And, I’m grateful to have people I can lean on.

Looking forward

So now that we’ve entered season 2 of everyone’s sourdough adventures on instagram aka 2021, what are some things that I want to do this year. Well, first off, Osheaga 2021, I mean the headliners are already out, that must mean it’s happening right???? JUST KIDDING.

• I need to make more of an effort to hang out virtually with my friends. Instead of staying in a state of isolation, I’m going to satisfy my socialization needs by reaching out to friends and catching up with them. My ubereats delivery guys are really getting annoyed at my efforts of keeping our convos going.
• I really need to stop procrastinating. I know I love writing, whether it’s this blog, or new stand up material, but I always put it off. It’s probably cause I’m scared of failure!!! And how can you fail at something if you don’t even do it! Or does that mean you’ve just automatically failed. hmmmmm… So, 2021 Shirley please write more and stop being a little procrastinating bitch. Thanks.
• I want to start youtubing or doing some type of content creation. With no in person open mics, how will I spread my joys and funnies. I’ve always dabbled with the idea of starting a Youtube, but if you’ve learnt anything about me this whole post it’s that I’m a procrastinator, so I’ve never started. See point above, I’m not trying to be a procrastinator anymore so if not now then when???? If you guys have any ideas on content please send me a message. I suck at makeup and wear the same sweater over and over again so I’m pretty sure the beauty and fashion niche aren’t for me.

Of course, be hot is on my to do list, but that’s a given, that’s basically on my to do list every day of my life. So to my dearest self, get that bag, get those fake lashes, do Chloe Ting and get that booty, fulfill all your dreams of being an ABG. I believe in you/me.

Now to end this on a more serious note, in the YearCompass booklet it asks you to pick a word to symbolize and define the year ahead and the word I picked was “Do”. I put off doing because I fear. What do I fear? Probably failure, judgement, rejection, etc. Well FUCK IT. I need to stop fearing and just start doing.

Happy New Years everyone!!!

I would say that this post is my warmup before the actual workout. I’ve been wanting to write again for the longest time and in true Shirley fashion I kept putting it off. Why have I been putting it off? Well I would say it’s a mix of probably contradicting reasons.

• Too busy living my life (but like…really I’ve been fantasizing about my affair with a kpop star instead of actually sliding into their DMs)
• Not prioritizing this blog, because I constantly put it on my to-do list but always after everything else that’s SO IMPORTANT (not) in my life so I never get to it
• Not knowing what to write about
• Putting that extra pressure on writing, you know that type of pressure you put on yourself that overwhelms you and you just spend the time you could be doing what you want laying down numb instead.
• And, instead of actually writing I’ve spent my time thinking of writing

I’ve realized that I keep putting things off because I want the outcome to be perfect, I want the outcome to be exactly how I imagine it. But that means knowing what the outcome is and since I don’t know the outcome, I have to set aside time to figure it out. So I keep planning and planning and then I never get anything done. So, in the end what’s my problem? I’m a writer who wants to write but doesn’t. Tragic (note that this is said in a sarcastic tone, I am definitely not serious about that being tragic).

What I’ve come to realize is that if I don’t just start typing, I’ll always be thinking about writing instead of writing. So here I am writing about writing – my warmup to the actual workout.

And usually I enjoy sharing my thoughts with others by publicizing that I’ve written something on other platforms, but this time I’m not going to. This little post is for me <3. For me to just start writing again.

So if you find this, sorry you had to read through my stream of conscious. ILU.

Hello world. again.

So it’s been about 3.5 months since I first started this blog and first posted. Well…this is awkward isn’t it? I started a blog announcing my new life/new me, but then I kind of just abandoned it.

My dearest Rice Whine, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not maintaining you and feeding you with content. I’m sorry to those few readers who were kind of excited to see what I would post next (which never came till now). Most of all, I want to apologize to myself. In not updating this blog and writing out my thoughts and goals, I let myself down. I constantly put blogging on my to do list, but I never checked it off and just left it there. This made me feel very unsettled because everyday it felt like I hadn’t accomplished what I had set out to do. I just kept pushing it back but today I just told myself, “bitch no more of this.” (after watching Riverdale and my 3rd depression nap)

So….what better way to try to get back on track than to write a New Years blog (17 days later)?

I thought I’d revive my blog by just talking about some things that were always on my to do list, like blogging, that I just never got to. As you can tell I’m somebody who likes to write to do lists, not somebody who’s particularly good at finishing to do lists though. However, I heard from from a little birdie (~cough~ The Secret ~cough~), that in order to get what you want, you need to let the universe know, so that the universe can manifest it for you.

A list of Shirley’s Goals (in no particular order)

• Create more content because I find myself the happiest when I’ve created something. This includes:
  • Blogging for RiceWhine
  • Blogging for mybadideas.com
  • Posting on social a little more. I used to post a lot of ~excuse my language~ shit on instagram but then I just kind of stopped. I’m not too sure why, maybe influencers overtook my feed and I was just like okay (￣︿￣) I guess my pictures aren’t actually nice . I think that in a digital age, our social accounts are in a way an extension of ourselves. I’d like to share more of me, put myself out there, be vulnerable in what I create, and not care too much about it. Gnome sayin’?
  • Vlogging/Podcast – I’ve always wanted to start vlogging just cause I like talking and the sound of my voice (am I a narcissist? ~gasp~). I’ve just had trouble starting and maintaining youtube. I think vlogging is an even more vulnerable outlet. You’re talking into a camera, but really you’re talking to somebody on the other side. I guess all it takes is just to try it once?
• Learn Spanish (hola is this not the most caliente language ever???)
• Learn basic coding – HTML/CSS – Just think about it, one day your kid is going to come up to you and be like, “yo ma, help me with this code.” You’ll just be like, “kid, I’m dumb.” In all honestly in such a tech-driven, digital world, it may be useful to just know a little code so I can maybe survive a robot apocalypse?
• Try stand up comedy – Many people (wow am I full of myself?…”many people” ~scoff~ ) have occasionally mentioned that I should try stand up. This year I’d like to sign up and try a Second City stand up class. I think it’d be funny right? I mean I can already picture myself on stage, hand holding a mic, legs shaking, pee starting to drip down my inner thigh…WAIT THIS DOESN’T SOUND FUN.
• Look like a hot instagram thot – I know I KNOWWWW I should love myself and practice self love, but this is just a part of my self-deprecating persona. Of course I’d like to be healthy by eating healthy and working out, BUT I MEAN there is a little part of me (BIG PART OF ME) that wouldn’t mind posting pics of my abs à la Kendall Jenner through a mirror selfie. No but in all honesty, I haven’t been treating my body the best in the last few years. If my dad can go running and to the gym every day, what do I as someone in my 20s really have as an excuse to not be healthy? CLOGGED ARTERIES AREN’T COOL GUYS. #Hotfor2019. I also try my best not to be too negative when it comes to looks or to constantly compare myself to others. Instead the way I think of it is, if you want to look like that, “You better work bitch.” So yes you can find me at the gym doing Strong Curves trying to get a booty.

• Do more of what makes me happy – You know those moments where you do something and you’re like, “wow I’m happy, this is something I like doing.”? I get those moments usually after hanging out with people love and doing things I love. This usually ends up being exploring coffee shops, trying new restaurants, and browsing random stores and art galleries on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I just haven’t done that in awhile, but each time I do, it it makes me happy. So it’s a simple and logical goal that is sometimes put on the back burner. This leads to my next goal…
• Discovering more of Toronto – In Montreal, I had routines. After work, I’d go to the SAQ, pick up a bottle of wine, invite an unsuspecting friend over, and cook for them. Friday nights, you could find me in the old port in a boogie club, trying to be my best r@v3r g!rl at New City Gas, or shamelessly dancing at Newspeak. Sundays were reserved for brunch, cafés, the Mile End, and roaming the Plateau. I miss these routines and thus I’d love to discover more of Toronto so that I can create new routines here that maybe, someday…when I’m living in my artist loft filled with plants in Brooklyn, I’ll also say I miss.

Now in terms of school, as some of you may or may not know, I’m back at schoo0o0o0o0ol, I also have some goals:

• Be on top of my work – We take 4 classes a quarter. It may not seem much but sometimes with projects, work can really pile up. Because there are only 4 classes, sometimes I feel like I just push my work to be done closer to when it’s due. The problem with is, like not finishing a to do list, the work still lingers in the air when it’s not done. Mentally this prevents me from working on other things that I would like to do like aprendiendo español.
• Read 3 advertising books – Pretty clear and simple. I just want to absorb more knowledge about the industry that I’m entering.
• Pick between copy or art – I signed up for this program as a copywriter, but now I’m really attracted to art direction. My goal is to hone in on one of these crafts, instead of dangling between both.

As always, I want to live with intention. I’m not down to spend my whole life watching Netflix and taking depression naps when I feel overwhelmed. I admit sometimes those moments are very much needed for one’s wellbeing, but in the end I just want to spend this year doing more of what makes me happy. Simple as that.

Wow…that felt good writing all this out. So if you were able to make it to the bottom of this post. Congratulations!!! Let’s be friends (but like actually plz this is my cry for help/friends)! Let me know if you have any resources or inspiration that could help me with my goals, it would be much appreciated.ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ